Stand by Me
by Soul Reaver
Summary: Act Four of the G.I. Joe Talent Show. What happens when Wet Suit starts singing John Lennon's Stand by Me? Bad news for Leatherneck...


Stand by Me  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the GI Joe characters in this fanfic, nor do I own John Lennon's Stand by Me. I also borrowed Althea, Claudius, and Sergeant Snuffles from Red Witch. This takes place after the events of That's the Way I Like It.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Act Four of the G.I. Joe Talent Show is." Hawk said.  
  
"Hawk, please do not let it be COBRA this time!" someone shouted.  
  
"No, the singer of Act Four is Wet Suit." Hawk said, "He's performing John Lennon's Stand by Me."  
  
"Hah, this marine has you beat squid." Leatherneck replied, grinning.  
  
To everyone's surprise Wet Suit didn't say anything, he just walked on stage, tested the microphone, and began to croon.  
  
"When the night has come. And the land is dark. And the moon is the only light we see. No I won't be afraid. No I won't be afraid. Just as long as you stand, stand by me." Wet Suit sang. As he did, the abominable snowman crashed through the wall, picked up Leatherneck and threw him across the room.  
  
"And Leatherneck, Leatherneck stand by me." Wet Suit continues. As he says stand by me a safe falls from the ceiling and lands smack on top of Leatherneck.  
  
"Oh, now, now, stand by me." Wet Suit continues. As Leatherneck comes out of the safe dazed as hell a swarm of Africanized killer bees descends upon him and starts to sting him.  
  
"Stand by me." Wet Suit sang again. In the meantime Leatherneck jumps into a lake on the base to avoid the stinging bees. Suddenly he is chased across the water by an enormous crocodile.  
  
"Stand by me." Wet Suit sings again. Leatherneck is swimming for his life, jumping out of the water as a swarm of piranhas chase him through the water.  
  
"If the sky that we look upon. Should tumble and fall. And the mountain should crumble to the sea. I won't cry, I won't cry. No I won't shed a tear. Just as long as you stand, stand by me." Wet Suit sings. Suddenly a COBRA submarine, the S.S. Razorfish, surfaces underneath Leatherneck.  
  
"And Leatherneck, Leatherneck stand by me." Suddenly a school of sharks comes and chases Leatherneck through the water.  
  
"Oh, stand by me." Wet Suit crones on. Leatherneck makes it on dry land only to get clobbered by a 1973 Mercedes landing on top of him.  
  
"Stand by me." Wet Suit continues. After crawling out from under the car, Leatherneck gets carried off by a giant eagle and dropped on top of a bunch of cacti.  
  
"Stand by me." Wet Suit continues, dancing gracefully as he can as a strange man in yellow spandex wrestling tights named El Supremo picks up Leatherneck and body slams him.  
  
"Stand by me." Wet Suit crones on. Leatherneck gets back up only to be clobbered by Claudius and his little baseball bat.  
  
"Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me." Wet Suit sings again. Leatherneck tries to spank Claudius only to have Althea go flying through the air and drop kick him in the face.  
  
"Oh, now, now, stand by me." Leatherneck gets chased down the street by a giant boulder that knocks him out as Wet Suit keeps singing.  
  
"Oh, stand by me." Leatherneck tries to swim off the base again only to be ambushed by the Loch Ness monster as Wet Suit keeps singing.  
  
"Stand by me." Suddenly the Headless Horseman appears and starts chasing Leatherneck around. Wet Suit keeps on singing.  
  
"No! No! No!" Leatherneck yells as he hears Wet Suit about to sing again.  
  
"Stand by me." A huge spotlight lands on top of Leatherneck and knocks him out.  
  
"Leatherneck, Leatherneck stand by me." A huge, lovesick gorilla appears and starts chasing Leatherneck around, thinking he's her boyfriend.  
  
"Stand by me." An entire professional football team's defensive line comes crashing down the aisle way and tramples Leatherneck.  
  
"Oh stand by me. Stand by me, stand by me." Wet Suit keeps singing. As he does so, Leatherneck gets treed by a pack of wolves, run over by a steam roller, and bucked off the back of a particularly pissed off bull.  
  
After Wet Suit takes his bow, Leatherneck grins evilly before passing out. A tiny brown teddy bear in starched camouflage fatigues and shiny black boots falls out of his jacket.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOLDING SERGEANT SNUFFLES!!!!!!!!!!!" Beach Head shouts and tackles Wet Suit. The pair fight in the background as the curtain drops.  
  
"Just once, I'd like to get through a single act of the talent show without massive destruction." Hawk complains. 


End file.
